When Dating Goes Wrong – 5 Points of Passing Desperate

There is a fine line between being desperate and merely pursuing someone because you’re interested. Whatever you do, don’t cross it because you and willingly hand the other person all the power, and you need some of that for survival. Everyone wants to be pursued and considered the exception, but once you can imagine your texts being read out loud over dinner and the possibility of being served with a restraining order soon, you should reflect on some of your choices. You’d be surprised how fast desperation creeps in your dating techniques.

DOUBLE TEXTING:
If you are in a defined relationship, then these don’t apply to you. It doesn’t matter how crazy you act once you’ve locked them down because they should be smart enough to know what they’re getting into. I know all of the excuses in the book for justifying the second, third and god forbid fourth text without a single response. Just please, I repeat, please don’t do it and refrain from the harsh reality of them blatantly ignoring you. Yes, people get busy and don’t look at their phones for maybe about… 20 minutes! Let’s be honest, a majority of people are walking around with their phones glued to their hands, and if they’re not texting you back, you best believe they’re screenshotting your pathetic attempts and scrolling thru their news feeds. If someone wants to talk to you or text you back, they will! I understand that some people have legitimate excuses for being a “bad texter” or busy with school/work but be patient. If they’re the slightest bit interested, they will respond. Once you stop bombarding them with your attention, they will reply before you even realized you sent the first text. It’s important to understand that even though it’s twisted, it’s also a part of this complex game. Not only do you need to learn the rules but you have to come out on top and win.  If you want to escalate faster, then check out this guide to sexting.

AVOIDING HINTS:
So you have some decent, casual conversations, and you feel like there could be some potential. You slyly mention your weekend plans and insist that they tag along or make time for a one on one. If their immediate response claims that they are busy, then you just have to accept that sometimes timing sucks. Now here is where things get tricky so pay attention!! If they do not follow up by trying to create new plans, then they consider you an obligated after school activity that they would get suspended for ditching every day. Similar to texting, if someone wants to hang out with you then you know for damn sure they will carve out the smallest of time to see you. It’s all about priorities, and if Netflix and ice cream are higher than you, then it’s safe to say that the ship has sailed and you should call it quits.

But what if it’s in person? Okay, so an entirely different game plan now and you might have a chance. If they are going out in public with you or you so happen to  “coincidentally” bump into them at the bar then play it cooler than the ocean breeze. It’s okay to come off interested but if you’re picking up any vibe that they aren’t digging you then abort the mission. Once someone knows you’re interested, their self-esteem shoots thru the roof, and they think they have the power but HA to them! This is where you interject and put the googly eyes back in your head and reel back your attention pole. Now it may sound like I am encouraging you to partake in immature high school love games but this is just for the start of potential flings. Once you’re more established with this person, then I hope you’ll have a sense of direction on what to do next. It’s completely normal to be overly excited about a possible new love interest, but they don’t have to know about it. Create a poker face and leave them wanting more. The mystery is a great thing, and if you’re too transparent, then you’re screaming desperation.  If you’re a guy, check out these tips to avoid seeming desperate.

HOMIE HOPPING:

You have finally realized it’s a for sure no go with your recently pursued, and you want to widen your horizon. Good for you, but make sure your options go further than their top 5 BFF’s because you don’t want to test the level of “hoe’s before bro’s” and “dicks before chicks.” It will never turn out in your favor, even if you think they might not be that close. You will be surprised how much closer people get once they agree on a common enemy. There is nothing more unattractive than being someone’s second choice and sloppy second. If you can’t seem to find anyone else in the 7 billion people on earth to pursue, other than mutual friends, then you need to reevaluate your life.


OVERCOMPLIMENTING:

Is there such a thing as being too sweet? Yes, there is, and it gets old real fast. At first, it can be endearing, but if you start dropping compliment bombs every other sentence, it comes off a little absurd. It’s as if you’ve never talked to an attractive person before and want to butter them up before announcing you’re a serial killer. Similar to the saying “easy come, easy go” if you play it too easy then you won’t be taken seriously, and then they’re off trying to woo the next person. You don’t always have to say what is on your mind; there’s a reason mystery has its own genre. Don’t get me wrong; I’m all about compliments and flattery but if you realize they’re being handed out like candy does it still hold any meaning?


OVERCOMPENSATING:

Everyone deals with some form of social insecurity from time to time, ranging from your post on Instagram last week to the car you may potentially drive when you hit the lottery. If you don’t realize that we are young, and it’s okay to live at home, drive a pinto, and live off of top ramen at one point in your life, then you’re in for a rude awakening. Be proud of your accomplishments, genetics, and cooking skills but don’t boast about them to the point where you’re forcing the compliments out of someone’s mouth. There is nothing sexier than confidence and nothing more revolting than someone thinking they deserve a medal for blessing you with their presence. Be secure with yourself and stop trying to impress people that should enjoy your company while eating pizza and throwing back some beers.

Also, probably the best way to avoid any gold digger scenarios because if you keep talking a big game about being a trust fund baby, they’re going to start thinking 5th street steakhouse on the daily. Don’t be a laughing stock and get used, learn to give yourself some damn compliments and embrace all that dating has to offer!


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